physical factors most likely come to mind: how you touch each other, the positions you try, and the body parts you focus on. But there's another key contributor that is often overlooked: the words you utter. "Speaking or hearing erotically charged words stimulates dopamine transmission, which plays a huge role in sexual excitement," explains Ian Kerner, PhD, author of Passionista.
"They can enhance the emotional and physical
intensity of the experience."
Sounds great...but what should you say that won't seem ridiculous? (Unless you're a porn star, "Do me hard, bad boy!" probably doesn't roll off the tongue.) "Most women aren't sure what sounds sexy, so they don't say anything," says Logan Levkoff, PhD, a sexologist in New York City. As a result, you're missing out on pleasure — which is so not right.
Here's a revelation: On a Sirius Cosmo Radio show
about talking sexy in bed, tons of guys called in to
share the phrase that gets them hotter than any
other. By a landslide, it was "I'm coming." Yup,
that's it. And what about women? Are there words
with similar superpowers for us? We turned to Kerner, who divulged a sentence tailored to
maximize your satisfaction.
FOR HIS PLEASURE!
"I'm coming." So simple, so powerful. This sentence is like the sex version of bacon — men freakin' love it. "Being a great lover is a prime source of pride for guys," Levkoff says. "Telling him you're about to orgasm is the ultimate accolade." It's proof that he's successfully satisfying you. What's more, he's gotten you so aroused that you're out of control —
this phrase suggests that even if you tried, you
couldn't stop from tumbling over the edge.
Announcing your orgasm's arrival also amps up
anticipation for that pivotal moment, thus
enhancing enjoyment for both of you. "Plus, since
most men are ready to climax before women are,
this gives him permission to come," Kerner says.
That's definitely music to his, um, ears.
FOR YOUR PLEASURE!
Women, on the other hand, want something less
basic than bacon. What Kerner suggests: "I love it
when you [verb] my [body part]," such as "I love it when you rub my thigh/kiss my neck/lick my
breasts." He explains, "Verbalizing the sensation
brings your attention to it, which reinforces the pleasure you're experiencing." It's like eating a
yummy meal — talking about how delicious it is
can make it even tastier.
This phrase also helps you stay in the moment,
Kerner adds. If your mind starts wandering or
you're stressing about other stuff, expressing
what's happening to you keeps you focused on
what you're feeling that second.
Your guy gets off on it too. "It shows him that he's doing something right," Levkoff says. And once he knows you dig that move, he'll probably repeat it. Excellent.
We hope you like it!